Something changed for me recently, when my teenage daughter, in only the way a teenage daughter could, told me that “at least I’m not going to rot on a couch.” Ouch! That insult hit a little differently than any before, as I literally visualized myself getting older and decaying on that particular couch.
Was this my destiny? I mean, I’ve clearly reached middle age, and is this all that’s left for me?
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I thought to myself, WOW, they are still paying attention to my every move. Well, maybe not every single move, but they’re tuned in. Despite the busy days, the long weeks, month after month, year after year logged in the history books, my actions matter, and I am leaving an impression.
Is this really the image I want to send my daughters into the world with?
No, absolutely not! It’s inconceivable. How did I let myself get here? I am no stranger to obstacles, and some might say, even adversity. I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge or to be afraid of change. I always rose up, dusted myself off, and got back in the game. Hmmm…what was different this time? Where’s my “can do” drive, my determination to figure things out, my pursuit of personal excellence, my marathon finishing mentality? Were they rotting on that couch as well? Quite frankly, what was different was I was getting really tired.
Life had thrown me plenty of curveballs, and somehow, up until now, I had managed to face them head on and end up better off than before. Hard work and a positive attitude were worth their salt…
Before the first layoff (after returning from maternity leave)
Before my sister died of cancer (a three year battle)
Before the divorce (started on my birthday of all days)
Before the Machiavellian managers (and there have been more than a few)
Before my mom’s stroke (leaving her with aphasia and difficulty communicating)
Before my mom died (an excruciating end for the kindest woman I know)
Before the second layoff (yes, I’ve been laid off twice, and I take it as a non-conformist’s badge of honor)
Before my dad lost his vision (he is the most disciplined and adaptable person I know)
You see, I’d been holding down the fort, a few forts honestly, and I’m not trained in long-term fort holding. My degree is in finance, but I have honorary degrees in single motherhood, caregiving, and a wide-range of useless legal matters. I had people depending on me, but who did I have to depend on? The couch? I mean if you’re going to rot, it’s not the worst destination. It was comfortable, familiar, and a wonderful escape from reality. It helped me navigate most, if not all, of the aforementioned curveballs. Clearly, the path of least resistance was remaining on that couch.
Ok, ok, enough sarcasm, and back to what motivated me to finally get off the couch.
I realized that my daughters know me, but they really don’t “know me” as the carefree person I was before I faced any real road blocks. They have not seen me in the prime of my career, four-wheeling in the desert, finishing a marathon, dancing until dawn, singing karaoke, attending a Presidential Inauguration, a World Series, the Super Bowl, and countless lighthearted, serendipitous, and comical stories along the way to motherhood, which has been the most rewarding chapter of all. Until now, my focus was on holding down the fort for us, and to a great extent, for my parents. They don’t give out medals, awards, or recognition for raising good humans or giving back to the parents who raised you, less that sense of pride in knowing you did the right thing with no expectations.
While I still have a few chapters to write in my life’s story, I’d like one of them to be that I was a good role model for my daughters. I want them to witness that even in middle age, and truthfully, I’m beyond middle age based on the mortality tables, anything is possible for me, and also, more importantly, for them. In my eyes, “the world is still your oyster” with a positive attitude and a strong work ethic, you just need to be doing the right thing with the right people, and the rest will fall into place. Reply and tell me what brought you here. I invite you to get off the couch with me.
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When was the last time you put yourself first? Not for minutes or a few hours. But genuinely first, unapologetically, and without feeling guilty. I'd love to know.